You’ll notice my timeline’s gone a little wonky. One of the symptoms of the new me is procrastination. From the second day after surgery until about 3 weeks ago, I was busy bragging unashamedly about my Oxford knee replacement to anyone who would listen.
Then an old foe returned to haunt me: pain. Following a road trip that expanded in distance and time, I discovered that any rotational movement or weight shift with a twist could bring me symbolically to my knees, with terrible cramping of the outside of my leg.
Walking downstairs from my bedroom one morning, I was struck by a piercing pain from the base of my spine to the bottom of my foot. The most miniscule movement was unbearable. It took ten minutes for the muscles to relax enough so that I could sit on the stairs. Another 20 minutes there, and I crawled back to bed. And there I stayed for the rest of the day.
I’ve had many repeats of this in the past few weeks, most often on stairs, but sometimes following driving, or just getting up from sitting. The second week I made an appointment with my surgeon to make sure I didn’t have an infection or structural problem. No issue there; apparently I’m to expect some pain as the muscles which haven’t had to work for a long time get strong again.
I’m going to get to the bottom of this—tomorrow I see my physiotherapist for a consultation—but there’s a point I want to make before this too passes. I’m no stranger to pain or depression, and what I’m finding now is that the euphoria which took hold after the operation has been replaced by a touch of despair.
Being able to put full weight on an operated knee only two days after surgery infused me with hope. Now I’m wondering if I only imagined I was pain-free at the time. My brother wisely advised me that I was in an “altered state”. (He was somewhat qualified, having just had a hip replacement five weeks earlier.)
The connection between pain and depression is very real. It’s hard to feel good about the day ahead when sleep and discomfort have been battling each other all night. I’ve noticed I’m particularly irritated by bright light and loud noises. Wanting to crawl back into bed and pull the duvet over my head rules over happy voices. Get thee hence, joy!
My Oxford knee, with a comma, 